10 Tips to Survive Social Distancing

Week two of quarantine/social distancing begins today. And I am here you to help you become the best version of yourself while stuck in your anthill. You’re welcome.

Practice these, keep them close to your heart, and may they allow you to become simultaneously less restless, and less productive.

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Quality Time in Quarantine

For the old readers, welcome back. It’s been a while. Come have a seat on this old couch which I just Lysol-wiped. Have a cup of coffee with me, just sit six feet away. Listen to my ramblings as I have nowhere to go and nowhere to be but home, and chances are, so do you.

For the new readers, join the ride. I don’t know how long I am back for, but I promise to provide absolutely useless and meaningless content while I stay.

Week 1 of quarantine ended yesterday. It was a success as I did not end my husband or my six-year old.

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Chicken Soup for the Soul

What’s your favourite childhood memory?

Is it a routine thing you did with a parent? Is it an annual family tradition? Or a specific moment in time? Is it the noise of the first pretend concert you did for your parents in the living room? Or the quiet of being in your mom’s arms on a sick day? Is it the day you first met your sibling in a hospital room? Or is it weekly dinners at grandma’s house? It is a big moment, a celebration, a vacation? Or is it a small, tiny, inconsequential one?

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Marriage: The Fine Art of Not Committing Murder

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“You look like a princess Mummy!” says the spawn.

I turn around and look at the spouse. Our eyes meet, and we burst out laughing.

She says this while I am squatting over a dead bug, inspecting it for vital signs using her blue polka dot flip flop. My pajama pants are hiked up and the bottom part is wet because I was mowing the lawn earlier (yes we have a backyard now…more on that another time), I’ve been cleaning, my hair hasn’t been washed in two days and in summary, the only princess I could possibly look like is Princess Fiona from Shrek after sunset.

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Moving a Dead Body

Many years ago, while walking through my university campus with a male friend on a starry, moonlit night, we passed by a dark, secluded spot. I leaned into him and whispered, “Damn. This would be a great spot to dump a dead body”.

In spite of, or possibly because of, my knowledge of prime dead body drop-off locations, that boy decided to spend the rest of his life with me. And to this day, he expresses his disbelief at that comment.

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